Under your spell, I lived for years,
hoping for something more to come.
Refining my stealth to give you space,
to understand this realm of happiness
is fragile like a butterfly’s wings.
Climbing steep emotional mountains,
unveiling secrets, you buried
and determined to keep hidden,
the granite weight of your admitted lies
jostled in my brain for attention.
But I soothed them,
hanging onto each morsel of half-truths
you offered up to ease my suspicions
and to open my heart wider and suck my passions
only when you felt the need.
Then I watched you retreat like a hermit crab into your shiny shell,
satisfied within yourself, without me.
By the crescent moon, I waited for your call,
for the unmistakable sign that it was time again to give my all.
Happily, I let my love flow,
unselfishly, I saturated the moments in your arms
with giving attention and care,
but you never gave your all.
Always a part of you was reserved for others,
and you were engrossed, staring at your phone,
pressing buttons to connect with anyone but me,
and I watched you. I pushed down the words screaming inside
and cloaked my displeasure.
I should’ve read the signs instead and deciphered their meaning.
I never really had you,
but you always had me.
Now, it’s time we separate,
so take the non-commitment, the “maybe, I’m not sure,”
the “another day, another night,” and release my heart,
so I can find the love I deserve,
the one that puts me first and I him—
Cassandra Crossing immigrated from Hungary and now resides in the Chicagoland area. Poetry and writing have been her life-long dream. She writes from personal experience about love, despair, loss, and hope. Her work includes short stories, creative non-fiction
essays, flash fiction, plays, and poetry. She’s also working on a few novels and novellas.
You can find some of Cassandra’s work on her website: ccrossing888.wixsite.com/cassandra and on Patreon: www.patreon.com/CassandraCrossing.
Her creative nonfiction essay "Naked" won 2nd place in a contest by WOW! Women on Writing and was published online in April 2020. "Why Are You Here?" won Runner Up status and was published online in 2019, while "Sorrow" (2019) and her flash fiction “Allure” (2017) were finalists at contests by WOW! Women on Writing. An interview was published by them on January 5th, 2020. Cassandra’s creative nonfiction essay “Things That Matter”, her fiction “Parenting Advice” and plays “The Chair” and “Three Tickets for the Show” had been selected by Oakton Community College as finalists to represent them in the annual Skyway Competitions in recent years.
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